what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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