I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
