JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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