Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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