You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
