My hand turned me down
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As shirtless as possible
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
