So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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