I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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