I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ketchup is God's man juice
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
