My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
