She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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