he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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