he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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