Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
