First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just gift wrapped bread.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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