Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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