I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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