Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
