WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
