his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it glows. i had to have it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
