i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
