This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
