you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
