But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
