literally had 100 drinks last night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
