We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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