I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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