remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She bit a glass in half.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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