Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I intend to get homeless drunk
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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