Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
