Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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