so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
