what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
