I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
