so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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