I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
