doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
