EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
