Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
