you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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