You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
