I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
