happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
