I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
