Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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