literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
