Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
