he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
