i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
