"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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