if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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