Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
