i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
