GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
