she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
