After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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