The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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