We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
